What money avoidance really is - and how coaching can help

We often talk about money in terms of logic - numbers, facts, decisions. But in reality, our relationship with money is deeply emotional. It’s shaped by our upbringing, experiences, and the stories we’ve absorbed over time. And when that emotional load gets too heavy, avoidance often creeps in.

That’s what The Times were exploring recently when they invited me to contribute to an article on financial avoidance. They called it being a “financial ostrich” - that familiar pattern of burying our heads in the sand. And while it might sound lighthearted, the impact can be anything but.

Avoidance might look like not opening your bank statements, ignoring credit card balances, or convincing yourself it’ll all “sort itself out”. For self-employed clients I’ve worked with, it’s sometimes meant not sending invoices for months. Not because they didn’t want to be paid - but because asking for money triggered old feelings of inadequacy or fear.

Others avoid engaging with pensions because they can’t imagine themselves ageing. Or feel guilty spending inherited money because they didn’t “earn” it. I’ve seen highly intelligent, capable people spiral into panic when faced with the idea of checking a bank app - not because they don’t understand the numbers, but because emotionally, it feels too much.

And that’s the thing: avoidance isn’t irrational. It’s protective. It’s often the nervous system trying to keep us safe from feelings we don’t yet know how to process.

So what helps?

Not shame. Not a perfectly colour-coded budget. And definitely not being told what we “should” be doing.

What helps is compassion, curiosity - and giving clients space to take tiny steps, ask different questions, and gently build self-awareness.

One client I worked with began by simply opening their banking app once a day. No pressure to act, just to look. Another kept a notebook by the kettle and jotted down one small money action each morning while the kettle boiled. For others, the first shift is just saying out loud, “Feeling in control of my money is part of how I take care of myself.”

Take Claire, for example - a coaching client who recently decided to do a full subscriptions audit. She’d known for a while that her monthly outgoings felt high, but hadn’t quite summoned the energy to face the detail. When she finally sat down with her statements, what came up wasn’t just surprise at how much she was spending - it was emotional resistance. “I really didn’t want to see them,” she admitted. “It took a concerted effort… and even after that, I found more I hadn’t realised.”

This is often how avoidance plays out - not as dramatic denial, but as a gentle, persistent reluctance to look. Sometimes it’s not until we face the numbers that we realise what we’ve been carrying in the background. In Claire's case, just naming it and starting to cancel some of those unused subscriptions gave her a powerful sense of agency and relief. Avoidance loses its grip when we turn toward the thing we’ve been avoiding - and meet it with curiosity, not criticism.

Because real change doesn’t start with strategy. It starts with self-awareness. And from there, we can begin to ask new questions. What would it look like to feel calm around money? What are the stories I’ve inherited that no longer serve me? What small act today would help me feel more in charge?

These are the kinds of conversations I’ve been having with clients for more than two decades - and they’re also what we teach people to hold space for in our Financial Coach Practitioner Certificate training.

The role we play as financial coaches

Financial coaching isn’t about fixing people. It’s about walking alongside them as they reconnect with a sense of choice. It’s about creating a space that feels safe enough for them to explore the tangle of feelings, behaviours and beliefs that so often sit behind the numbers - and make meaning of it in a way that feels empowering.

Sometimes that means helping someone reframe an old story about what they deserve. Sometimes it’s helping them build a structure they can trust. But often, it starts with simply holding the silence long enough for them to hear their own thoughts.

Our role isn’t to give all the answers - it’s to help our clients ask better questions. And to create a relationship that makes change not just possible, but sustainable.

If you’re someone who’s drawn to this kind of work - if you’re curious about the emotional side of money and the stories we tell ourselves - our training might be the next step for you. Whether you’re a coach, adviser, or simply someone who wants to support others with their financial lives in a more meaningful way, we teach you how to facilitate these conversations with confidence and care.

And if you’ve recognised yourself in any of what I’ve described here - take heart. Avoidance is human. But so is change. And often, the smallest step is the most powerful place to begin.

Curious to read more? I recently contributed to this article in The Times about financial avoidance and how to gently face what we fear: Don’t ignore that bank statement – The Times

Image by Christer Andreasson from Pixabay